I have been thinking about whether I want to stay here or not. I am wondering if I am ready to pack up my things and throw in the towel.
Am I?
If I leave now will I miss Egypt like I have missed it every other time I left?
I am bitter with this country.
Recently this country has been the reason that I was more bitter than I had been in a long time. It made me a different person. It made me a person I did not want to be.
I hated myself.. and I hated Egypt for making me that person.
I have cooled down recently. I am starting to get rid of some bitterness...
The weird thing is that I am scared to be not bitter. Scared of being disappointed with this country. Scared of falling in love again and being hurt... by Egypt.
Scared of returning to the bubble that I lived in before.. only to have it explode once again.
Vulnerability is one of my biggest fears.. and Egypt made me vulnerable!
I am in a twisted abusive relationship.
The first time that I am in a kick ass relationship with a kick ass incredible guy.. I get into a random abusive relationship with a country!! Go figure!
Does anyone get into abusive relationships with a whole nation?!?!?!?!
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5 comments:
In my own opinion, what you're describing sounds a lot like the culture shock the foreigners experience living in Egypt. Would it feel better if I told you that this is a cycle, and things will improve?
I think this is even harder to the Egyptian returning to Egypt after a long period of living outside. You have dropped any walls of tolerance you might have built up previously. How long have you been back? It works itself out eventually, but I'm afraid complacency might play a role.
It could be. I used to give information sessions about culture shock. Ironic that I might be experiencing it myself....
I have been back for about 7 months I guess.
I cannot wait for the next stage of the cycle..
Yeah...I remember going on holiday after 9 months and thinking, "How will I come back in August?!?!" Hang in there...I've never experienced such traumatic culture shock as I have in Egypt. I lived in the UAE and Spain before moving there, and didn't suffer as much! It takes a while, but it will calm down. And flare up. And then calm again. Hang in there...
If it makes you feel any better it took me a whole year to adapt, and I was living in another Arab Country !! Personally, my trusty piano helped me through it, plus giving up on "comparisons". The instant you stop comparing your life automatically improves.
Cairogal:
Yeah.. life here can be taumatic! ;o)
Juka:
A year?? ouch! Well, I have been here for a while.. I thought I was already adapted. I guess maybe I really was living in a bubble and this is the first time I have been in the actual real world. And sometimes real world Egypt is a hard place to be!!
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