Marriage is hard.. or so I hear. It is the attempted union of families, paradigms, lives, people, hearts, pasts, and so much more. This seams an impossible feat to pull off...
Failure is guaranted when you add to this equation the element of different cultures and different religions.... or that is how it seems it should be.
I cannot really see any mixed marriages that work. I only see people suffering from the pressures thrown on them by the differences. I only see people struggling so hard to try to meet in the middle. I only see people questioning whether love is in fact all it takes.
One of the few lasting mixed marriages I knew of is coming to an end. It is coming to a bitter end full of resentment and hatred stemming from the bottling up of emotions for years. Negative emotions felt because of how different the people were. Now it is a broken family full of confusion, pain, and hatred.
I have little hope for myself because being a product of a mixed marriage means that any marriage I attempt will in fact be a mixed marriage.
I have lived a unique life... and I think that I will never find someone who is similiar to myself. I do not think that I am willing to fight the fight required to make any marriage work.
I do not see it as being worth it anymore.
I only see the confusion and the pain....
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28 comments:
my mixed marriage is kicking ass and taking names.
marriage in the end is about the people. can they grow together, in good ways, through good times, in ways that withstand the bad ways and the hard times?
don't give up on humanity, there's good out there yet.
from my limited knowledge and tendency to philosophize I can say that mixed marriage is not different at all from normal marriage except that the 2 who r getting married don't do it for settling, but usually for love. also that mixed marriages are usually between 2 unconforming individuals, so the probability of them falling in disagreement would be more. what makes marriage between simple people, or "el nas el tayebeen" work? it's because they don't ask a lot of each other, they don't even talk usually once there is a baby, and they don't expect the other side to be wanting thier friendship. from what I saw in my family, my uncles and relatives married a very traditional marriage and their main reason was always to have children to make their lives feel of some use. emptiness always make a good marriage, that's what I saw in the family circle.
sorry for the prolonged reply and hope you won't find it too "bege7".
Nora,
I think with regards to this point and I am not an expert myself since I have never been married (LUCKY ME) that the whole concept of marriage is about how willing you are to go the extra mile, to make it work, and I have always been a believer that in any relationship at any moment in time, when a problem persists you can never blame one side of the equation for the problem.
In a relationship, be it friendship or marriage or whatever, the problem is always the fault of everyone in the relationship, both sides must have done something wrong to create the problem.
Why am I saying this? Well, I think it is worthwhile, of course disregarding the wise ass "LUCKY ME" comment, I really really do. I mean there is always a chance and the fact that you may deny yourself the right to take the leap and make something work is just a shortcoming of yours and not of marriage, if anyone wants anything to happen, they will make it happen, and after it happens they will make it work if they believe in it so much.
And the struggling and the pain, it is part of everything, work, friendship, you struggle because only when you taste the sour you can know the sweet.
At the end of the day the harder you struggle and the harder you work on things the more successful they become, believe me. Besides you know the look in your children's eyes and the touch of their small hands as babies, I am sure would make it all go away and would prove it worthwhile and that apply to all kinds of marriages I suppose.
I have to make it clear though, love is of course not everything, there are a lot of more important stuff that makes marriage work, actually love in a different sense is what does it all... I am about to write a post here but then again, my opinion of love is on my blog since two weeks, so I don't wanna prolong this comment.
Again, this is all just me and my belief system so you needn't agree with it, you will be forced to :P...
Hi Nora...
What actually marriage means is first necessary to be understood..be it Mixed marriage or any other kind marriage.
"Why there is unrest between the two individuals?? Why they drift apart...when they once before entering into marriage say they love each other and then eventually by lapse of time, part off..what could be the probable reason behind this??"
Is it so that the individuals of today of the modern world don't have understanding?? do they lack somewhere?? do they don't have sense to understand the needs and requirements of each other??
Answer is no and yes...they do understand..they do lack somewhere...now where are they failing??
The basic concept of marriage..be it mixed marriage or any kind is Union of two person..their mind.. soul..
Whether, this is really being understood by people really today?? No..
When marriage takes place..its as I said, its union of two individuals..two families...mind...soul...the bond thats created is very sacred..marriage is nothing but devotion...its giving..sacrifice..understanding eachother...but as on date this is lacking....
The sense of gratitude towards eachother is absolutely negligible..no one wats to ascertain that yes..its because of my wife/husband, of whom I feel proud, I am happy..s/he is a loving person...caring...
nagging...lack of understanding...ego...difference of opinion...are some of the factors which are ruining lives of people nowadays...
Neither the husband..nor the wife tries to understand each other or any of the issues cropping up...its not so that the problems are never there...they always are and will remain...but they can always be curtailed and sorted out by helping eachother..my making eachother feel..yes, i am there with you...rather than nagging and cribbing about something which though is minor, later on becomes a havoc....
Me being a lawyer..I keep meeting people...have seen people so devastated...but then..if you make them understand...where the problem lies...yes, i feel things can always be sorted out...they do understand (unless someone is adamant enough, not to understand)
Never think....nothing is possible...everything is possible..subject to someone thinks so..yes, i can do it...be it mixed marriage or anything else...
all depends on mentality of person...understanding of a person...
i hope you understand what i want to say..and i wish that hence after you won't be having this sort of feeling...
I respect the feelings and sentiments of all those who have expressed their views in here...without prejudice to their sentiments and feelings...I expressed what i have perceived, experienced in life...
My wishes are always with you...
Mona,
Yeah, you're marriage is...
I do not think that is all marriage is. I think that somehow there needs to be a common foundation. I think that the resentment stemming from the differences in mixed marriages is much greater than other marriages.
I think I gave up on humanity a long time ago! :o)
Marooned84,
I like you're reply. Many reasons that I did not even think of or consider. Thanks for passing by!
GBK,
Thanks for the comment. I know that kids make things worthwhile... but most marriages end after children arrive.. so obviously the touch of their hands and the look in their eyes is not always enough. I do agree that people can try and make almost anything work. I think that people just do not want to work at it anymore.
Oh yeah, you cannot try to force me to adopt your point of view on my blog!
:oP
Yogesh,
Thanks for the comment. I do agree, people just do not care and have stopped trying to make things work. This is why I have lost faith in the institution of marriage. Anyway, maybe it is just a moody phase...
:o)
you feel lonely Nora...you admit it or not...but I know you do...you need someone to understand you...
a person who can peep in your heart...look deep in your eyes...
Yogesh,
Actually, I am not lonely...
I am extremely not lonely.
:o)
Well I wasn't talking about kids, I guess what I wanted to say, is if you try hard enough, if you want things to work, they shall and even things do not get to the best possible, the journey down the road is what matters, what makes it all worthwhile... No matter what awaits you...
GBK,
Interesting point.
But why would a journey be worth it when it just breaks your heart at the end?
I dunno.. maybe I am just negative now. I remember when I used to think that the journey was the most important part.... but now I am not so sure. Where that journey leaves you at the end is pretty important also....
Well I think that is because whilst on the journey there is a lot of joy that you might feel. I mean if that's the theory, then why try make something of our lives if we know we are gonna die at the end. Besides, you cannot be 100% sure it is gonna break your heart at the end. Can you?
I dunno...
I just think that relationships are more hassle than they are joy. They open you up to heartache and pain.
I just think that life is better lived alone. Why make someone else such an important part of your life.. when statistics show that there is a higher chance of it not working out.
(Note: I just made that statistic up.. there is no basis to what I say. I am making this up as I go. It is my blog and I am allowed to do that!)
:o)
Well, it is your blog, yeah, but you are talking to me, you don't make shit up sweetheart, even if it is your blog, when I talk I rule...
Look at it this way Nora, I believe if someone wants to get something done with specific results they would. I am one person who has quite a huge hope to do so, I mean screw statistics if there were any any of these contexts but I am gonna be a successful man, I am gonna fall in love someday, marry a total sweetheart, and live with her happily until I freaking die. I am gonna sooner or later find me a life in Egypt. I am gonna enjoy the journey and I am gonna enjoy the results. And I am not gonna let the failures I have seen or the words of others and their own disabilities to make shit work reflect on me. And so should you... That's an order. AND ON YOUR BLOG.
GBK,
Control freak!!
:oP
Yeah, honestly, I think that way more often than not. I think the shit has just gotten to me. I promise in a few days I will go back to knowing that I rule the world and that everything is perfect.. and that the journey and the people that I meet on it are worth any heartache or pain that I might or might not feel...
Anyway...
DON'T GIVE ME ORDERS ON MY BLOG!!!
:oP
Come on honesty here, you liked that I gave orders in your blog, it just made you think clearer and it I guess should by now make you feel better. So congratulations, I am in control of this ship from now on :P And remove the damn word verification... It bothers me :P
Word verification stays....
another order from you and I activate comment moderation!
:oP
Come on :(
I get it wrong everytime...
Hi Nora...
You said ain't lonely...you stressed onto that you ain't extremely lonely at all. What you try to say isn't true. its you as well know...Nora...
You yourself admitted that you haven't gone through the side of the relationship...you admitted that people are not understanding what a relationship means...people expect someone to do something for them...but it comes to sense of gratitude...its always lacking...then how the relationship gonna work out, when one cannot understand that someone cares for you...
further more, having a pessimistic approach in life leads life to doll-drums...when we arin't clear enough with our goals...when we don't have the sense of understanding the basic concept of relationship...then nothing in life can work...its principle of life..
The theology or phylosophy on which life and relationship works is something different...people now a days are trying to live up their lifes and relationship according to thier whims and fancies which ultimately isn't proper....like nature has its control and command...YOU PLAY WITH NATURE AND NATURE FIGHTS BACK...
likewise...you try to control according to your whims and fancies...the same will have the repulsive reaction...cause it has its own work force...it has its own order of following...be it marriage...relationship...or anything else...
what i have obeserved is...people are trying to run away from problems...they are trying to be away from everything that has got pain, harshness...reason you know Nora...
they don't have the courage to standby...don't have the courage to face the problems...they don't have the confidence ....they lack in many aspects...though they are educated...literate (socalled) i will say...but the education...literacy which they have never helps them out, cause they themselves are so afraid...they themselves are not confident that they can face the problems...they don't want to see ugly, real face of life...they want to run away from it...and they then complain that life is harsh...relationship ends to a position where everything fails...
did they ever give it a thought...that they havent tried to sort out the problems...they don't want to...they always want to see things according to their angle...according to their line of thinking...and if it isn't as per their line of thinking...they simply keep complaining..saying it isnt working...lol
how funny...isn't it Nora???
Without giving or taking an opportunity headon to face the problem...running away isn't a solution...complaining isnt a solution...moreso I will say Nora...for a girl like you...You must never form opinions on hearsay things..though you have seen things many times, they may not be true...cause you haven't gone behind the screen to find out...whether the persons in differences of relationship have evert tried to resolve the issue, ever tried to sort out the same...they never share it...cause they are not willing as they didnt do it...
the weakness lies in the WILL POWER.....
Try to acknowledge people who are really your friends though you havent met them...TRUTH IS ALWAYS BITTER....but the person who tells you the truth...always try to help you so that you should not land into problems...is your true friend
ALL THE FINGERS ARE NOT ALIKE......
Take care....
Yogesh,
You are making many assumptions.. and they are wrong.
You do not know me. You do not know the details of many things that you talk about...
I never said that I have never been on that side of a relationship. I do not understand what you mean by the trying to control things by my whims and fancies. Hmm, have you seen how I control my life?
Also, you are comparing people running away from problems to people not getting into relationships... and there is no basis for comparison.What do you mean I am forming opinions on hearsay?
Yogesh, please just stop making assumptions and then trying to go with them!
My dear friend Nora...
I really feel sorry that you have jumped to conclusion of thinking me judging you...not only that you think i am assuming why people are running away from problems...
Nora...I dont know what extent you have seen life...but what I stated is purely on the facts which is happening now a days...don't get upset at all...
This is what is happeneing now a days...running away from problems is a common scenario...evading them is a common scenario...its not just me who will say...every person who has really seen world and experienced life on the notions of which it is based says so...the difference lies in thinking.....difference of opinion being the major factor....
further more, i would say...it being a forum, where you discuss things, express, theres nothing personal...so don't take it like that...take it openly...
life has always been a challenge for me and i love challenges...striving is life which i have learnt from expriences...rather than complaining....
Nora...
The answer lies in your post itself which you posted in March 2007...
here it reads as under:
"My Dilemma....
What is failure?
If you had to define failure what would you say?
Would it be to not try something you want because you are scared?
Would you say to try something and not get it right?
Would it mean to give up? "
Try to reason out and you will find the answers for failure of Marriages in this itself...
not just for marriages...for many things you will find the answer hidden in it...
Nora....
while going through your comment I realized where you thought I was talking abtyou...
"The theology or phylosophy on which life and relationship works is something different...people now a days are trying to live up their lifes and relationship according to thier whims and fancies which ultimately isn't proper....like nature has its control and command...YOU PLAY WITH NATURE AND NATURE FIGHTS BACK...
likewise...you try to control according to your whims and fancies...the same will have the repulsive reaction...cause it has its own work force...it has its own order of following...be it marriage...relationship...or anything else..."
Here YOU means general public...read in consonence of the above...
I think I read somewhere that divorces between Egyptians and non-Egyptians are very high until couples reach the 6 year mark. After that, the chance of divorce among those couples drops significantly.
Cairogirl..
would you mind explain me the same more in detail??
I can't find the source, yogesh. Basically, the marriages between Egyptians and non-Egyptians generally do not last and result in divorce within 6 years of marriage. However, the likelihood of divorce between Egyptian/non-Egyptian couples drops significantly once they are married 6 years or longer.
there has to be a substantial reason behind the same...wat do you think cairogirl??? i would love to study the causes and the reasons for the breaking up of egyptians and non-egyptians marriage and the reason for the post 6 years period as you said...
hope you as well find it interesting...
Cairogal,
I could believe it. After 6 years together it hardly seems worth ending it...
Anyway, the marriage I was talking about in my post lasted almost 3 times as long. I guess it beat the statistics.
I also read somewhere a warning to foreign women telling them not to fall for Egyptian men. I guess it is the new age travel warning!
:o)
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